Thomas (let's call him that, but it could also be Petr, Roman, Honza, Marek, just any of us) worked in a multinational company. The work once entertained him and made sense to him. But now it was mainly a load of heaps of problems and tasks that took no end. Most of all Thomas was troubled by the illogicality of the procedures and the attitude of people who, in his view, were either “just doing their job and not breathing for work, as he did” or “they threw sticks under his feet”. As if they were saying, “We don't care how hard you try! We don't give a damn about you!” Thomas felt he had no control over it. He was tormented internally and went home full of anger.
Thomas one day he collapsed. They had to go to the hospital. put in order He was on sick leave for several weeks. He decided to change his life. He left the firm and took up a new job and a new position. Everything started to make sense again. Before the anew after some time he returned that same feeling of futility and inner dissatisfaction. Thomas He started coming home full of anger. At home, he would explode at the slightest trifle at his wife or daughter: “There's paste on the ground again in the bathroom, well, you're kidding me!”
Thomas met Roman (Radim, Radek, Jana,...) and confided in him with his grief: “Should I change jobs again? I don't want to be in an environment where I can't influence things. I live a life I'm not happy with and I don't want to ride a tram full of angry people every day to work that annoys me. I don't want to be one of them!“
Novel Thomas he listened for a while, and then he says, “You can change jobs. But wherever you go, or wherever you stay, someone will always be with you. Your Inner a critic who constantly pushes you to perfectionism. That's why you have to deal with your critic instead of constantly running from him. Otherwise, your situation will just repeat itself over and over again.“ Thomas He looked at Roman with a question mark in his eyes; Roman continued, “Would you say that you are perfect?” Thomas He said, “Of course not! There are so many things I fail at. Maybe last weekend my family and I were planning a trip. Well, we didn't prosecute. I was stressed, we hadn't packed up, we should have set off a long time ago. I sensed failure. And I thought planning was my strong point!” Roman continues: “When your daughter was born and you held her in your arms, would you say she was perfect?” Thomas he smiled, the memory was vivid and beautiful: “Yes! I found it incredible that something like this could even arise. I had wonderful feelings of love and gratitude. She was perfect!” Roman asks, “Did she know how to speak, read or write at that moment?” Thomas doesn't understand where Roman is going by this: “Of course she couldn't!” But still, according to Thomas, she was perfect. In doing so, we evaluate ourselves critically and measure ourselves by what we fail at, what we fail at, and what we can't handle. This inner critic then equally evaluates our whole life and the other people in our lives. But our inner meter can never work for them, we all have different completely different motivations, fears and needs.
We We are all children too. When we were born, we were perfect. But over time, we believed the social beliefs of our surroundings (for some it may be parents, for others school or friends) that we are not perfect, and that perfection is something that we must strive for and fulfill the expectations of others — we would have to clean up the mess in the room first, then we would be perfect. We'd have to wear the first ones, then we'd be perfect. We would have to carry the burden of that pile of tasks and throw in more. Then would we be perfect? But the tasks are increasing endlessly, and perfection is endlessly moving away from us. Where is the limit when we are already perfect? So we seek perfection somewhere in the future and cannot achieve it. Paradoxically, he's been here with us all the time.
'I'm already beginning to understand it and wonder when and where I lost that sense of perfection', he says Thomas. “Notice where you tend to focus your attention—on the past, on fear of the future, on people, on circumstances—still out there. Put your attention inside for a moment, into yourself. The perfection is still there. She didn't go anywhere. There's still the little one Tommywho was born perfect. But there is also a deposit of various kinds persuasion Collected for lifethat aren't yours. Which you believed because others told you so. You need to focus on those. Cut them out of your head with a broom and your natural perfection It will appear under them as a solid pavement, which you have removed from the accumulation of mud and fallen leaves. That will give you confidence and direction.”
“But what if I stop evolving?” Thomas expressed his fear. Roman said, “Isn't the baby developing anymore? She feels perfect and yet she has a huge appetite for exploring the world, learning, experiencing new and new things. Is that right? Paradoxically, by feeling perfect now and here, she has the courage to explore and grow. If we believe that we must become perfect, or we are not perfect, we experience confirmation of that belief. We see all of this imperfection in us, in our life, in the people around us. Perfection somewhere in the future becomes our private hell, and our inner critic its architect and ruler. Paradise is the joy of the here and now of what I am doing.”
“Okay, I understand, but what about it?” , he asks Thomas. “When you're feeling anxious, vain, or angry, focus on your breath. Is it accelerated? Is he shallow? Make several deep breaths and exhalations. Feel the flow of air as your chest expands and let everything go with your exhalation. Feel the perfection of the moment: how did you look at yourself and the world as a young child? How did you look at the world with the eyes that see it for the first time? What do you perceive in yourself? Are you hot? Winter? Is the shoe pushing you? Feel the tension of the muscles and focus your attention on relaxation. This is presence through the senses. Then ask yourself -- what do I unconsciously believe makes me feel this way -- What is this idea of perfection? Why do I think I'm not good enough now? It could be “I always have to be laid”, “I have to do this myself” or “I want to show up in front of my friend”. Realize that this is nonsense that does not belong to you. Pay attention to the fact that you are a child of a perfect universe.” Roman shared with Thomas a few other techniques of working with himself.
Evening sent Thomas A message to Roman: “I feel much better already. And by the way it didn't give me and I asked my three-year-old daughter if she thought she was perfect. Without hesitation, she replied that she did.”